Gloria

Saying No to Others is Saying YES to Yourself by Jack Canfield

There are only two words that will always lead you to success. Those words are yes and no. Undoubtedly, you’ve mastered saying yes. So start practicing saying no. Your goals depend on it! If you are constantly saying yes to other people, then you are constantly saying no to yourself and your goals.

Ask yourself if what is being requested of you is in line with your goals, will it benefit you in some way and bring you closer to your success, or will you simply be spending your time on someone else’s good opportunity? How much time do you waste with projects and activities that you really don’t want to do simply because you are uncomfortable saying no? Success depends on getting good at saying no without feeling guilty. You cannot get ahead with your own goals if you are always saying yes to someone else’s projects and agendas.

What a simple concept this is, yet you’d be surprised how frequently even the world’s top entrepreneurs, professionals, educators and civic leaders get caught up in projects, situations and opportunities that are merely good, while the great is left out in the cold—waiting for them to make room in their lives. In fact, concentrating on merely the “good” often prevents the “great” from showing up, simply because there’s no time left in our schedules to take advantage of any additional opportunity.

Is this your situation—constantly chasing after mediocre prospects or pursuing misguided schemes for success, when you could be holding at bay opportunities for astounding achievement? If saying “No” is so important, then why is it so hard to say? Why do we find it so hard to say no to everybody’s requests? As children, many of us learned that “no” was an unacceptable answer. Responding with “no” was cause for discipline. Later, in our careers, “no” may have been the reason for a poor evaluation or failing to move up the corporate ladder. Yet, highly successful people say “no” all the time—to projects, to crazy deadlines, to questionable priorities and to other people’s crises. In fact, they view the decision to say “no” equally acceptable as the decision to say “yes.”

Others say no, but will offer to refer you to someone else for help. Still others claim their calendar, family obligations, deadlines and even finances as reasons why they must decline requests. At the office, achievers find other solutions to their co-workers’ repeated emergencies, rather than becoming a victim of someone else’s lack of organization and poor time management. “It’s not against you, it’s for me…”

One response that I have found helpful in saying “no” to crisis appeals or time-robbing requests from people is… It’s not against you; it’s for me. When the chairman calls with yet another fund-raising event that needs your dedication, you can say, “You know, my saying no to you is not against you, or what you are trying to do. It’s a very worthy cause, but recently I realized I’ve been over committing myself. So even though I support what you’re doing, the fact is I’ve made a commitment to spend more time with my family. It’s not against you; it’s for us.”

Few people can get angry at you for making and standing by a higher commitment. In fact, they’ll respect you for your clarity and your strength. So, how can you determine what’s truly great, so you can say no to what’s merely good? Start by listing your opportunities—one side of the page for good and the other side for great. Seeing options in writing will help crystallize your thinking and determine what questions to ask, what information to gather, what your plan of attack might be, and so on. It will help you decide if an opportunity truly fits with our overall life purpose and passion, or if it’s just life taking you down a side road.

Talk to advisors about this potential new pursuit. People who have traveled the road before you have vast experience to share and hard-headed questions to ask about any new life opportunity you might be contemplating. They can talk to you about expected challenges and help you evaluate the “Hassle Factor”—that is, how much time, money, effort, stress and commitment will be required. Test the waters. Rather than take a leap of faith that the new opportunity will proceed as you expect, conduct a small test, spending a limited amount of time and money.

If it’s a new career you’re interested in, first seek part-time work or independent consulting contracts in that field. If it’s a major move or volunteer project you’re excited about, see if you can travel for a few months to your dream locale or find ways to immerse yourself in the volunteer work for several weeks.

And finally, look where you spend your time. Determine if those activities truly serve your goals or if saying “no” would free up your schedule for more focused pursuits. Be brave in saying no to good opportunities, stay focused on your higher goals and let people know that you are committed to those goals. People will respect your clarity and drive. Remember, just as you are in control of your feelings and attitudes, other people are in control of theirs, so if they do get upset with you for saying no…well that is a choice they make for themselves. © 2010 The Canfield Training Group All Rights Reserved. ——————————————————————————– 

 Jack Canfield, America’s #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you’re ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

Writing can also be frustrating. You may write pages on end and suddenly realize it would be better to just trash it and start all over. The temptation will be to refuse to give up all that time and work you have done. Why not just go on, even though you know what you have written is good only for the trash heap.

Being a good writer means you are willing to start over if necessary. The work you did is not really for nothing. You learned you can do better!

So, when you have written pages, no matter how much the amount, and you honestly recognize it is junk, have the courage to trash it and start over. You will show yourself to be a true professional!

Hoping I have the courage to start over when necessary, Gloria

Always keep a pen and notepad with you wherever you go. I’m sure you’re not like me but if I don’t write it down when I first think of it, forget it . . . literally!

Today we have phones that keep info for us. I also like to keep a small recorder in my purse. It’s easy to say what your idea is without wrecking the car trying to write on paper on enter it in the phone. After all, you do want to live to write your idea!!

While the summer may be more a “kick back” time, don’t let those ideas float away on the clouds. Take the time to write them down. Then, when you’re back on your regular schedule, you can pursue the ideas. Who knows, there may be a bestseller in one of those kernels!

Taking time to write down those kernels so I don’t miss out on a potential bestseller, Gloria

On our wordsmiths8 blog, we are talking about sensory detail. I thought I would continue discussing a bit about that.

What is sensory detail? It is when you involve the senses in your writing. They are smell, touch,  hearing, sight, taste.

I would suggest you go back through your manuscript. Mark any areas that you have added sensory detail and what sense was involved (ex: smell, taste, etc.). Do you have sensory detail dispersed throughout your manuscript? Do you have too much? Do you need to add more?

Sensory detail draws your reader deeper into the world you have created. They live the story. That is what you want from your manuscript. 

Take the time to look your manuscript over and add sensory detail if you have not done so. You will be happier with your writing and so will your reader!

Hoping to add just the right amount of sensory detail, Gloria

Since my listeners will be young, I’ve worked out a presentation I feel will make them enjoy the experience. I could just read the book. That would be OK. But, I want the time to be memorable, one where the kids will say, “Mommy, remember the lady who told us the story at Barnes and Noble?

Working on a special presentation is good for you and for those who participate. So, when you have opportunities to do readings or book signings, make them memorable. Besides, who knows. There may be someone in the audience who will want you to come to their school or library to make another presentation. It could happen!

Hoping to do a presentation worthy of my listeners, Gloria

Gloria

Will Holiday Habits Set You Back in 2010?
By Jack Canfield

You are an accumulation of your habits. From how you get out of bed, how you shower, how you dress, how you shop for food and eat meals, how you exercise, how you walk, sit, and talk, how you respond to the world, how you act in front of others, and how you think; you are living out your habits.

Habits are necessary. Because they typically come naturally and automatically (“through habit”), they free up your mind so you can concentrate on how to survive day to day. You don’t have to think about how to drive your car so you can be on the lookout for danger while you are driving. You don’t have to think about how to walk so you can concentrate on where you’re going.

Unfortunately, habits can also keep you locked in self-destructive patterns, which will limit your success.

This is especially true during stressful periods, like holidays. This is when it’s far too easy to let bad habits take over and multiply with every holiday symbol that you see.

So, what’s the secret to surviving this holiday season, bring in the new year feeling fantastic—physically and emotionally—and have more confidence in the future?

You will need to drop those bad habits and develop new ones that are in line with the life you want to live. This will help you to get through the holidays cheerfully and embrace 2010 with high hopes. People don’t suddenly appear in the life they want to live, habits determine their outcome!

So ask yourself, what are the habits you have that are keeping you from achieving your goals? Which ones seem to become magnified during the end of the year, setting you up for feeling behind and lousy come January 1st?

Really be honest with yourself. Are you always running late? Do you make promises you can’t keep? Do you get enough sleep? Do you make excuses for not eating well and scheduling exercise? Do you plan out your day?

Imagine what your life would be like if all those habits were their productive counterparts.  

What would your life be like if you ate healthy meals, exercised and got enough sleep? What if you saved money, stopped using credit cards and paid cash for everything? What if you stopped procrastinating, overcame your fears, and began networking with people in your field? Would your life be different? I bet it would!

So, my suggested action step for you is to write down some productive habits you could adopt and visualize in your life. Step two is to “act as if” you were living these new habits right now!

I know, you thought you wouldn’t have to do this until New Year’s, but I’d like to help you get moving toward creating more successful habits today, so you’re already in motion when 2010 lands.

I’d recommend you plan on developing four of your new success habits each year, one for each quarter. That means right this instant you can map out which four you intend to adopt in 2010, and then create a method that will support your new habits.

Here are some ideas:

You could write it down on a card that you keep with you and read several times a day. You could make it a part of your daily visualization.
You could also enlist the help of an accountability partner who has habits to change.

It’s important to make a 100% commitment to each of your new habits, so be specific about the steps that you’re willing to take in order to drop an old habit and adopt a new one.

Don’t be vague about how you will change your habits. Spell it out for yourself so you can recognize situations that motivate you to act out your new habit.

Just developing four new habits a year will dramatically shift your life to be more in line with your vision. And the more in line it becomes, the easier the other habits are to replace because your perspective is shifting and you can see more clearly how your old habits aren’t serving you anymore.

Get ready for 2010 today! Focus on habits that will launch you forward, not back.

Make the decision. Make the commitment. Then watch your new, positive life unfold!

Jack Canfield, America’s #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you’re ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Can field now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.comnfield, America’s #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you’re ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Can field now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

Until history revisionist removed any hint of the idea of people thanking God for his provision, we, beginning with the pilgrims, have taken time to thank God for the abundance we have here in America.

Writers should be some of the most thankful people in America. We have the opportunity to write what we choose without fear of being sent off to some prison or having to leave our country so we can write our convictions.

Tomorrow when you sit down to your turkey or ham or hamburger take a few minutes to thank God you were born in America and have the freedom to write as you do. There are writers around the world who long to have such freedom.

Thankful for all the freedom I have as a writer, Gloria

Because life is not like that.

I’m busy researching for a book about a local community. I need to have the material ready by next Thursday. Of course, I’ve had a dozen other things that could not be omitted from my schedule!

What do I do?

I just keep plugging away. The book is definitely my priority. My husband knows the clothes will have to wait. He’s even offered to clean the kitchen today. I don’t know if it’s out of compassion or that he’s sick of seeing the dirty dishes in the sink (I really know it’s out of kindness but that wasn’t nearly as funny!!).

I’m scheduling time for each project plus getting our motor home ready for a short trip. Guess what I’ll be doing while my husband goes golfing . . . writing on the book proposal.

I can complain or I can be thrilled I have the opportunity to send a proposal that an editor is waiting for. I know lots of writers who would gladly trade places with me.

So, when your writing life or life in general gets hectic, persevere! If it is writing related, just remember there are writers who would kill (well, maybe just maime) for your opportunity. Go ahead and set your head to the task at hand. Like Niki says, “Just do it!”

Just doing it, Gloria

I am in contact with a publisher about writing a book on our local history. I spent several hours at our local museum looking at pictures. I will need about 250 for the book. Today I was at the library looking into books written by our local historical society. There is so much  material it is going to be time-consuming to do all the research.  I have enjoyed doing it thus far. We’ll see how I feel a few months down the road when my head is so full of facts I don’t know which ones to use.

There is always a danger in research. You can become sidetracked reading stories that really don’t pertain to the book you are writing. I found myself doing that today. True, the stories are fascinating but to spend time “chasing rabbits” will not get my book written. I need to concentrate on my purpose! Later on, after this book is written, I can go back and read stories simply for pleasure.

Hoping to not get too sidetracked in my research, Gloria

CONFERENCES

1. Conferences DO NOT guarantee an editor will pick up your work. To go to a conference with that attitude will leave you discouraged instead of uplifted.

2. Conferences DO open doors to editors that have houses not accepting unsolicited material. Most often, editors will allow you to send material to them for a period of one to three months.

3. Conferences provide networking experiences. It may be some day in the future someone you met at the conference can connect you with a person who will promote your writing career.

4. Conferences give an opportunity to be part of the writing community. It’s always great to be with people who “get” what you do.

5. Conferences can develop close friendships. Many people who attend conferences develop relationships with other attendees. Some of these friendships last a lifetime.

6. Conferences help us hone our craft. Heeding information editors and fellow authors share can expand our chances of publication.

7. Conferences can jumpstart your wriitng. After attending a conference you can be rejuvinated, inspired and excited about what you do. It can be just the boost you need to really get down to the business of writing.

8. Conferences can give direction to your writing. Some speaker may stir you to consider other genres that you have never considered before. In doing so, you may find the niche you were created for.

9. Conferences can be expensive . . .or not. Large and out-of-state conferences do cost more than some can afford. But, local and regional conferences are much less expensive. Although the larger ones may have more speakers and editors, the smaller conferences are still a great way to learn and connect with editors and writers.

10. Conferences do not have to be attended to become a published author. Many talented writers started attending conferences AFTER they had been published. Maybe the funds were more readily available then! If location or finances exclude your attendance at a conference, don’t become discouraged. Work at learning your craft. Submit! Submit! Submit! Maybe after you have been paid for a few publications you can join with your fellow writers at a conference. It will be money well spent!
 
Happy conferencing, Gloria